You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ketchup is God's man juice
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
