Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
