someone get that fucking seahorse.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
there was a trapeze. enough said
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
