So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
