So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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