a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
