He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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