R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have feelings that need drinking.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
