Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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