this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
