I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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