What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
