Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
