i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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