he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
