I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
