you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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