it wasn't lemon gatorade
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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