Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
