I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
