I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
