last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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