i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You can't special order awesome
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
