So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
