Can i not drive my cunt home
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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