Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
