from now on my penis is your penis
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
