1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Randomize
