Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
