This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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