Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
