I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
