I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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