I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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