i permit you to call me
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
