Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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