When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
