Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
