She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
