Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
