so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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