Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
