Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Also, beer. Big fan.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
