How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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