areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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