Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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