If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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