I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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