I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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