How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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