It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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