Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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