i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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