Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
