He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize