it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
