I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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