So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
