I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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