My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
