You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
