absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
