How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
