i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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