You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
