Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
We smell like vodka and hangover
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