she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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