yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
