I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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